1. Trigger & Compulsion Mapping
- For one week, keep a simple journal: note times when you had a recurring thought like “What are they doing right now?” or “Do they still care?” — this is your trigger.
- Next column: what you did in response (checked phone, asked partner, looked at social media, ruminated). That’s the compulsion.
- Last: how you felt after (anxious, relieved briefly, guilty, exhausted).
Recognizing these chains is the first major step in breaking them.
Here’s a tip: Use simple headings like Date / Trigger / Action / Feeling. After your week, review and pick one pattern to work on.
2. Delayed Response Experiment
- When you feel the urge arise, pause and say to yourself: “I will wait 15 minutes before I act.”
- Use that time to do a different brief task — walk, drink water, check in with a friend.
- After the delay, you can act or decide not to.
A tip: Start with 5-10 minutes if 15 feels too hard. Increase gradually. Keep the focus on resisting the immediate urge.
3. Present-Moment Anchor & Mindful Awareness
- Choose a simple anchor: your breath, the sensation of your feet on the floor, or what you can see right now.
- When you catch yourself spiralling (“What are they thinking? Do they still like me?”), pause, say: “I’m noticing I’m thinking X,” then bring your attention to your anchor for 1-3 minutes.
- After anchoring, ask yourself: “What is true right now in this moment?” — remind yourself: you are safe, you are breathing, you are here.
A tip: You can set timers, for example 3 times per day, to make it a regular habit, not just reactive.
4. Identity & Interests Reinforcement
- Make a list of 3-5 things you enjoy or used to enjoy (hobby, sport, creative activity, friends).
- Schedule at least one of these for the coming week (even just 30 minutes).
- After the activity, reflect: “How did I feel? How much of my attention was on me vs the partner?”
Here’s a tip: If nothing comes to mind immediately, think small, like a short walk in the park, doodling, reading a chapter. Consistency matters more than scale.
5. Cognitive Restructuring of Obsessive Thoughts
- When a thought arises – “They haven’t texted — they must be losing interest”, write it down.
- Ask: What’s the evidence for this thought? What’s the evidence against it?
- Then reframe into a more balanced statement. For example, “They didn’t text yet — it could mean they’re busy, not that they don’t care. My value isn’t dependent on this one text.”
Quick tip: Use your journal from Exercise 1 to pick frequent or high-stress thoughts as your working material.
6. Set a “Worry Time” Slot
- Choose a fixed time each day as your “Worry Slot.”
- At the scheduled time, allow 10-15 minutes to review the queue, reflect, perhaps question or let go, then close it.
- Outside that time, if obsessive thoughts arise, note them down in a “Thoughts Queue” and tell yourself: “I’ll revisit this in the worry slot.”
Final tip: At the end of the worry slot, do a short grounding or pleasurable activity to transition out of it (music, stretching, chat with friend).
